The Freakishly Queer YGO! Special
by darkshadow-23
Summary: [Early Christmas one-shot & Bday Present fic] Oh no. The cast of YGO! is celebrating Christmas! The Hikaris are torturing the Yamis, Kaiba and Joey goes donate their blood, Yami makes slightly less poisionous muffins and Bakura get's stabbed by Santa!


Eh, hi everyone. This is a just an early Christmas one-shot. This is my first one-shot, everything else has been stories, stories, stories. It's early because at Christmas time everyone might be out with their families and don't care about fanfic or anything but presents because that's the true meaning of Christmas, sales everywhere and gifts! the other reason is that it's Life's Light/animeangel's birthday and I'm too cheap to get her anything (I can't find any chicken plushies anywhere -.-;).  
  
So here's to you animeangel! A crappy birthday fic.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or anything related to Christmas including Santa Claus, which I don't own

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"YYYYYYYAAAAYYYYY! IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!" Yugi says excitedly.  
  
Yami raises a confused eybrow. "Christmas?"  
  
Yugi grins. "YYYAAHH!! WAIT!!! You DO know what Christmas is RIGHT Yami?" Yugi stops and looks over at Yami.  
  
Yami twitches and looks around for an escape. "Um . . ."  
  
"Because," Yugi twitches, "if you DON'T, Yugi's eyebrows twitches. "Then I'd have to . . ." He holds up an extremely sharp and pointy pitch-fork while his left eye twitches. "I'd have . . . Yugi's right eye twitches again, "to use this . . ." He gestures to pointy pitch-fork while left eye twitches again. "On . . ." Yugi's right eye twitches again. "YOU!!!"  
  
Yami gives out a high pitched scream. "NO! NO! I KNOW WHAT CHRISTMAS IS!!" Yami lies as he laughs nervously. "OF COURSE I DO! Egyptians practically INVENTED Christmas! HHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE!! Now put the sharp pointy thing away Yugi . . ."  
  
Yugi smiles anime style. "OKAY! " And chucks pitch-fork out the window.  
  
[**OUTSIDE**]  
  
Kaiba is walking down the street smiling. "YAH! I just gave 48 452, 352 turkeys for homeless families for Christmas and I'm just about to donate $2 674, 983 to every cancer researching center in the world!"  
  
Yugi's Pitch-fork gets chucked out the window and stabs Kaiba on his chest.  
  
Kaiba starts to scream. "OH MY GOD!"  
  
Yugi's Pitch-fork bounces off Kaiba's chest . . .  
  
Kaiba wipes his forehead and says, "Oh that was close! It's not that deep, I can still live! "  
  
Yugi's Pitch-fork . . . then bounces off the side walk and stabs Kaiba on the back.  
  
Kaiba starts screaming again. "OH MY GOD! IT BURNS!!! I CAN SEE THE SHARP POINTY PARTS FROM THE INSIDE OF MY CHEST! IT'S THAT DEEP! OH MY LORD!!!" His left knee explodes for an unrelated reason. "OH GOD! MY KNEE! HOW THE HECK DID THAT HAPPEN?!?! . . . Hmmm . . . It's actually not that bad . . . HEY! I CAN DONATE MY BLOOD! YAY!!" Kaiba smiles as he runs to go donate his blood .  
  
[**BACK AT YUGI'S**]  
  
Yami raises his head and says, "Hey Yugi did you just hear cries of Kaiba getting stabbed by a pitch-fork twice and his knee exploding?"  
  
Yugi, as if not hearing Yami at all, says, "SPORKS!!!" And starts to hang sporks (which is not really a word, but anyways, it's a fork/spoon) on the Christmas tree.  
  
Yami's eyes widen and says, "YUGI!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT POOR INNOCENT TREE?!?!?"  
  
Yugi completely ignore Yami again and screams, "SSSSPPPPOOOOORRRKKKSSS!"  
  
Yami smiles and replies, "Oh, in that case, that's fine then! "  
  
[_TELEPHONE RINGS_]  
  
Yami picks up receiver. "Hello?"  
  
The person on the other end says, "MMMMMMMIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGOOOOAAAAAHHHH!!!" (A/N: O.O; where'd I get THAT?)  
  
Yami sweatdrops anime style and says, "Yugi! It's Ryou!"  
  
Yugi takes receiver and says, "Sporks?!?!"  
  
"Mingoah!" Ryou replies.  
  
Yugi smiles. "SPORK!!!"  
  
Ryou also smiles. "MINGOAH!!!"  
  
Yugi says to Ryou, "Mingoah? Sporkific!"  
  
"Mingoahsh Spork mingoah!" Ryou replies.  
  
Yugi says, "SPORKS!!!"  
  
Ryou smiles.   
  
Yami: X.X;  
  
Ryou says, "MINGOAH!!!"  
  
[**IN THE BACKGROUND (AT RYOU'S)**]  
  
Bakura is screaming "OH MY RA! HELP ME! ANYONE! NO! MORE! MINGOAHS!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH- !!"  
  
Ryou gets angry. "DON'T MAKE ME GET MY STAPLER OUT BAKURA!!"  
  
"NO! NO! I'll be good . . ." Bakura sniffs sadly.  
  
Ryou glares at Bakura.  
  
Bakura sniffs some more and says, "I mean, mingoah?" Bakura sniffs again.  
  
Ryou smiles. "Good! "  
  
[**BACK WITH YUGI AND YAMI**]  
  
Yugi is skipping around the phone. "YYYYYYAAAMMMIIII!"  
  
Yami stares at Yugi then says, "Um . . . sporks?"  
  
"YAY! " Yugi smiles.  
  
Ryou says, "MINGOAH!"  
  
"SPORKS!" Yugi replies.  
  
Both Ryou and Yugu hangs up.  
  
"Well . . . that was completely pointless . . ." Yami says.  
  
Darkshadow-23: SHUT UP!  
  
Yugi and Yami: O.O;  
  
Darkshadow-23: I mean: . . .  
  
"That was . . . strange . . ." Yami says.[**SOMEWHERE**]  
  
Kaiba says, "YAY! I donated my blood! I CAN HELP VAMPIRES AND OTHER PEOPLE THAT CANNOT PRODUCE THEIR OWN BLOOD! "  
  
Joey spots Kaiba. "HOLY GOSH! HI KAIBA! " Joey starts to wave happily.  
  
Kaiba smiles. "AHOY! It is my best friend Joey! " Kaiba waves back happily.  
  
Joey and Kaiba hugs each other.  
  
Joey screams in pain. "OH MY GOD MY CHEST! A PITCH-FORK?!? HOW COULD I HAVE NOT NOTICED THAT?!? OH LORD!!!" Joey's right elbow implodes for an unrelated reason. "Wow, that was unrelated! I'm loosing blood!" (A/N: Hey, animeangel don't you say that all the time? O.O;)  
  
Kaiba smiles. "Hey! You can donate blood! "  
  
Joey smiles back. "GOOD IDEA! " Joey starts to run into blood donation place where they donate blood.  
  
[**RYOU'S HOUSE**]  
  
Ryou is singing. "MMMMMMIIIIINNNNNGGGOOOAAAHHH!"  
  
Bakura is in a fetal position and is twitching every so often. "Mingoah . . ." He says cringing ". . . mingoah." Bakura shudders.  
  
Ryou smiles. "YAY! NOW YOU'RE GETTING IN TO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT!!"  
  
Bakura stops twitching to say. "Why are you yelling?"   
  
Ryou yells, "I'M NOT YELLING! YOU ARE JUST WHISPERING! FFFFWWWWWWWEEEEEEE!!!! "  
  
Bakura resumes twitching. "Yes . . . mingoah . . ." He twitches.  
  
[**BACK AT WHEREVER KAIBA AND JOEY WERE**]  
  
Joey comes out of the blood donation place. "YAY! DONATING BLOOD FOR VAMPIRES AND OTHER BEINGS THAT CANNOT PRODUCE THEIR OWN BLOOD IS FUN!! "  
  
Kaiba smiles. "I KNOW! "  
  
Joey says, "Kaiba!" He frowns and puts his hands on his hips. "Did you get bloodier?"  
  
Kaiba blushes. "Yeah . . . I got hit by a car and fell on my back where the handle of the pitchfork was and it drove deeper into my insides . . ."  
  
Joey gets excited. "THAT IS SO TOTALLY COOL!!"  
  
Kaiba and Joey both says, "YAY!!" And hugs each other again.  
  
Joey gets stabbed by the pitch-fork that has deepened in Kaiba's chest making Joey get more hurt. "OH MY GOD! HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT?! WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THAT! NOW IT'S DEEPER THAN BEFORE AND IT HAS RE-OPENED MY WOUNDS!"  
  
Kaiba gets an idea. "HEY! You can donate your blood again! "  
  
Joey smiles. "GOOD IDEA!!"  
  
Kaiba and Joey hugs each other again.  
  
Joey cries, "OH MAN! Again? Oh well! More blood to donate! " He says smiling  
  
[_FAST-FORWARD TO THE NIGHT OF CHRISTMAS EVE_]  
  
Yami wakes up from hearing the telephone ring and goes to get the telephone. "Stupid contraption! I'm always the one getting it . . . Hello?"  
  
The person on the other end is whispering, "Help me Pharaoh! I don't want any mingoahs anymore!! IT BURNS!!" (A/N: Please note that 'mingoah' is a completely made up word by me and has no meaning what-so-ever and if it does and is a word from some other language than that is just a strange coincidence. Also a 'mingoah' could possibly be an eating utensil that is a combination of every eating utensil ever invented that Ryou likes to hang on trees)  
  
Yami rubs his eyes, "Bakura?! Do you know what time it is young man?? You should be in bed!"  
  
[IN THE BACKGROUND (AT RYOU'S)]  
  
Ryou wakes up and yells, "BAAAAHHHKKKKKUUUUUURRRRAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! MINGOAH!!!"  
  
Bakura starts to cry. "HELP ME!!"  
  
"Don't worry Bakura!" Yami says, taking a heroic stance. "I'LL SAVE YOU!!"  
  
Bakura's eyes gets all watery, "really?"  
  
Yami promises, "Of course I will!" When suddenly the oven timer goes off. Yami forgot all about Bakura and says, "OH MY MUFFINS ARE DONE!! BYE BAKURA!" And hangs up.  
  
Bakura screams, "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Ryou pops out of nowhere and yells, "MINGOAH!!!"  
  
[**BACK WITH YAMI AT YUGI'S HOUSE**]  
  
Yami smiles. "MMMMMM! These muffins are slightly less poisonous than last time's batch! Maybe I should give some to Kaiba so he can donate it to hungry children! I sure they won't die like the last time! It IS slightly less poisonous! " Yami goes into the living room.  
  
Yami sees a Big Guy in a Jolly Red Suit doing something under the Christmas tree.  
  
Yami is thinking, 'OH MY GOD! A ROBBER BROKE IN AND IS URINATING YUGI'S CHRISTMAS TREE!!' Yami starts chucking his slightly less poisonous muffins at him. "LEAVE THAT TREE ALONE YOU PERVERT!!!"  
  
the Big Guy in a Jolly Red Suit starts to scream. "OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! STOP IT YAMI!!"  
  
Yami stops throwing the muffins and says, "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?!"  
  
The Big Guy in a Jolly Red Suit replies, "It's me! Santa Claus! I know everything!"  
  
Yami: . . .  
  
The Big Guy in a Jolly Red Suit that is of course Santa Claus says, "You know . . . Father Christmas?"  
  
"Christmas is a person?!" Yami says stupidly.  
  
Santa Claus sweatdrops anime style. "Oh yeah, you're the guy that was stuck in a golden puzzle for a couple of millennia that was freed from that insane 'sporks' guy."  
  
Yami feels insulted. "HEY! Don't call my . . . hik . . . hhhhii . . . kaaa . . . um . . . light guy that!"  
  
Santa Claus sweatdrops again. "You mean your Hikari?"  
  
"OH YEAH!! I knew that! But how do YOU know?!" Yami asks.  
  
"DUH! Because I'm Santa Claus!!" Santa Claus replies.  
  
Yami: . . .  
  
Santa Claus rolls eyes. "This is getting nowhere . . ."  
  
[_Suddenly the door bursts open_]  
  
Bakura is there and says, "FREEDOM!! Hey! Santa Claus! Remember last year," Balura chuckles. "When I beat you up because I thought you were a burglar? And it was really ironic because I'M actually the one who was the robber?" Bakura starts to laugh.  
  
Santa Claus smiles. "Oh! Hey Bakura! Close your eyes and hold out your hands . . ."  
  
"OKAY! " Bakara becomes completely trusting, closes eyes and holds out hands.  
  
Santa Claus grabs one of Yugi's pitch-fork that was conveniently placed near the Christmas tree and stabs Bakura.  
  
"What does stabbing me have to do with holding out my hands?" Bakura says confused before fainting.  
  
Santa Claus magically flies up to the roof, hops on his reindeer and flies in front of the moon. "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!! AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!! "

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Wow, what an awkward ending O.O; Yeah . . . Well that's my Christmas Special/Birthday Present! If you like this story please read my other fics!  
  
And go to my fanfiction journal: www. darkshadow-23. cjb .net for the poll I have up right now . . . and my music videos on Yu-Gi-Oh! I made!   
  
Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it! Please review! 


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